Greetings my invisible friends!!!
The topic of TMI has come up to me recently as in: am I doing it? I would like to explore this a little, so please pardon any navel gazing, but this is on my mind.
I am an exceedingly open individual. I am a little mouthy (but hopefully not rude), I have eaten my own share of my very own feet, and I find few subjects taboo. Sex? Sure, let’s chit chat! Diets, exercise, size of my bum–don’t mind if I do. Politics I get a little cagey about (I am mouthy, but that does not mean I want to spend my lunch hour in a fight with a co-worker). My religion? Heck yeah, ask me anything except for the sacrificing goats query. I will head you off with a firm, no. That is a waste of a perfectly good goat.
I have also been open with the topics of mental health, as these have now come to affect me directly. I have some problems there, I would like to chit chat about them occasionally outside of my paid medical professional’s office. I take comfort when I say something into the sucking void of the internet and someone else says the equivalent of “been there, took that, want to borrow my t-shirt?”. It makes a girl feel more human to hear it, especially if you have only felt like a lifeless bit of nothing in the interim. I also have a great big hug and brownie for every one of you who has done so.
Here is not the only place I speak about it, either. I have both Twitter and Facebook accounts and mention things there. Earlier this week, I posted about a particularly challenging time I had over the weekend and received a surprising response. I was asked if I was perhaps sharing too much, asking to be marginalized. I have never thought I was “asking” to be marginalized because of speaking about my issues in a private (Facebook) space. The people who see it, generally know all about it from phone calls anyway–what harm is a status update which really was a bit of a call for help wrapped in a straight forward update about my weekend?
Mental health has a stigma that many are trying to break in voices much louder than mine. I had thought we had moved beyond the idea that I would be discounted for admitting when I have troubles and talking them out (an excellent route for OCD sufferers. Find the logic, talk the logic around the ritual, attempt to consciously break the habit of the ritual.). I thought I had support from the people in the relatively private space of the Book of Face.
I don’t think that I DON’T have the support, but I don’t think I have it in quite the way I thought before. I do not know whether to become more guarded about what I say or to continue living and speaking as I choose. Is my habit of not filtering out the parts of life that suck leading my voice to be marginalized and discounted? I think one of my personal strengths has always been my ability to own up to all of my faults. I own them and work on them. I try and I fail and I try again.
I took the post completely down and now regret that action. I don’t want to edit myself. I don’t want my friends worried that I am hurting myself with my words. I am worried that these cannot be accomplished at the same time.
Hmm…all that navel gazing and nothing cleared up.
In slightly brighter news, I was dragged to lunch at Hooters today, and their fish and chips do not suck. I was in the mood for fried and flaky, and it did not disappoint. The waitresses tan stockings still sketched me out however and the car wash/bikini fest was just a skeevy as it generally is. Fish ruled, though.