Don't Panic / Wellness


Greetings my invisible friends!!!

The topic of TMI has come up to me recently as in: am I doing it?  I would like to explore this a little, so please pardon any navel gazing, but this is on my mind.

I am an exceedingly open individual.  I am a little mouthy (but hopefully not rude), I have eaten my own share of my very own feet, and I find few subjects taboo.  Sex?  Sure, let’s chit chat!  Diets, exercise, size of my bum–don’t mind if I do.  Politics I get a little cagey about (I am mouthy, but that does not mean I want to spend my lunch hour in a fight with a co-worker).  My religion?  Heck yeah, ask me anything except for the sacrificing goats query.  I will head you off with a firm, no.  That is a waste of a perfectly good goat.

I have also been open with the topics of mental health, as these have now come to  affect me directly.  I have some problems there, I would like to chit chat about them occasionally outside of my paid medical professional’s office.  I take comfort when I say something into the sucking void of the internet and someone else says the equivalent of “been there, took that, want to borrow my t-shirt?”.  It makes a girl feel more human to hear it, especially if you have only felt like a lifeless bit of nothing in the interim.  I also have a great big hug and brownie for every one of you who has done so.

Here is not the only place I speak about it, either.  I have both Twitter and Facebook accounts and mention things there.  Earlier this week, I posted about a particularly challenging time I had over the weekend and received a surprising response.  I was asked if I was perhaps sharing too much, asking to be marginalized.  I have never thought I was “asking” to be marginalized because of speaking about my issues in a private (Facebook) space.  The people who see it, generally know all about it from phone calls anyway–what harm is a status update which really was a bit of a call for help wrapped in a straight forward update about my weekend?

Mental health has a stigma that many are trying to break in voices much louder than mine.  I had thought we had moved beyond the idea that I would be discounted for admitting when I have troubles and talking them out (an excellent route for OCD sufferers.  Find the logic, talk the logic around the ritual, attempt to consciously break the habit of the ritual.).   I thought I had support from the people in the relatively private space of the Book of Face.

I don’t think that I DON’T have the support, but I don’t think I have it in quite the way I thought before.  I do not know whether to become more guarded about what I say or to continue living and speaking as I choose.  Is my habit of not filtering out the parts of life that suck leading my voice to be marginalized and discounted?  I think one of my personal strengths has always been my ability to own up to all of my faults.  I own them and work on them.  I try and I fail and I try again.

I took the post completely down and now regret that action.  I don’t want to edit myself.  I don’t want my friends worried that I am hurting myself with my words.  I am worried that these cannot be accomplished at the same time.

Hmm…all that navel gazing and nothing cleared up.

In slightly brighter news, I was dragged to lunch at Hooters today, and their fish and chips do not suck.  I was in the mood for fried and flaky, and it did not disappoint.  The waitresses tan stockings still sketched me out however and the car wash/bikini fest was just a skeevy as it generally is.  Fish ruled, though.

2 thoughts on “TMI?

  1. The reason why I’ve been off FB for 6 months was exactly that. People are not kind. They are not telling you these things face to face, so they allow themselves to be meaner than they would be in real life. I’ve been openly criticized by friends when I said I had a cleaning lady (I had 2 jobs back then). And of course, the comments that hurt the most were the “Wait ’til you have kids, you will no longer be able to (wake up late, have a beer on a Monday night, whatever I was talking about)”. They make it sound like having human babies is an obligations and that every woman can, wants, and must have them.

    I used to think the Hooters waitresses were not wearing stockings, that their legs were just naturally perfect like that. I was all like “boohoo, their legs are so perfect and mine are all pale and veiny and cellulite-y and I’m so ugly and… oh.. wait… stockings”. I know they are pretty obvious, but a couple years back my self-esteem issues were so bad I was not noticing the obvious. Most of these girls are butterfaces anyway.

    • I do not believe I ever told you how much I loved your use of the phrase “butter faces”. It does not look like, so I must tell you now. LOVE. IT.

      People love so much to pick. Pick, pick, pick. It is envy, and spite, and boredom rolled into one horrible package.

      Also, human babies is totally level five in life. You and I, for not being overly interested in that level, will never win the game. I am pretty happy with whiskers in my face, aren’t you?

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