Of Goth and That

So I have been having a few issues. Not climbing a clock tower or gnawing a hole in my wrist, but a slight lack of control of my wee little brain.

Like everyone else I am sure.

ANYWAY, I am going to a doctor to try to figure out how to keep my brain in check and incidentally not lose my job through a complete emotional explosion. It has been close. So the doctor sent me for a full blood work because, perhaps, just maybe, it is some stupid deficiency rather than a completely broken brain.

The only real issue I have with this chick is her overwhelming interest in how “Goth” I am. Why yes, I DO wear a lot of black. Why yes, Dani Filth IS the most gorgeous man alive. Why yes, PALE is beautiful (unless you cannot naturally achieve that undead pallor, in which case hopefully you have lovely bone structure). I also have tattoos, ten piercings (down from a few more), and I enjoy horror movies and songs by Morrisey. I have been like this for AGES. Absolute ages. I do not think that my current issues have any root cause in that bit of my lifestyle. Denial? We have yet to see. If it is then I have LOADS of company. I used to dance with them quite often in other cities. (Kansas City does not have many Goth-Friendly dancing places.) So, my one problem with her. Quit picking on my non-substance abusing lifestyle and lets look at the new issues that have shown up in the last two years.

So, deficiencies. I went for a full blood work (god, I don’t want to see that bill when it comes in) which involved more vials then I have ever given at one time. It was totally cool. I had it done at one of those places that does mass drug testing, random bits of blood work, AND paternity testing. I love these places. Last time I was in one, I got to watch what looked like a real life Maury Povich episode when one woman wheeled in one of those four in one baby buggies and WAS RECOGNIZED ON SIGHT with a “paternity test again?”. 0.o

If you are recognized on sight with that phrase uttered? Perhaps you need to have an instructive half hour with a cucumber and a condom. Just sayin’.

Sadly this did not happen in this new establishment. It was rather normal and just featured me giving more blood than ever before and not even getting any juice for my troubles. Those six vials revealed that I am Goth on the inside as well as out.

A normal human has a Vitamin D level of 30-75 apparently. I had a whole whopping 19. This amused my doctor to NO END. Not only did she once again get to lecture me on how Morrisey is bad for one’s emotional outlook, but she got to crack vampire jokes the entire time. Also give me orders to go lie out.

So, that blinding glare coming from KC, MO? It’s my legs. By the pool. Near the tan people making Vanna White jokes. Bitches.

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